Who are you and where are you going?

Estimated 5 minute read · Saturday, 13 May 2017

Nathaniel Hawthorne says that happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.

I've been plagued for years for trying to find purpose in life. This desperation has left me exhausted as I a played a cyclic game. I tormented myself because purpose is a person's sense of resolve or determination and I felt I had none.

While talking to a very good friend of mine, I came to realize that I want to intentionally contribute in order to add value.

Well now, there's a bunch of complicated and overloaded words that require some unpacking. At least it's more elaborate than purpose. Each statement in the unpacking process requires its own why and what does it mean to me in order to get to the bottom of our complex desires, or at least get close enough to fulfillment.

I had an epiphany a few weeks ago. What's the point of finding a purpose if I don't know who I am? I need to discover myself first - a journey I've been on for quite some time now. Maybe that is my purpose? Who knows.

The information I wish to share with you today, is information I gathered during a self-healing process on my road to self-discovery.

Personal identity

No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path. ~ Buddha

As much as I kick and scream and tantrum, life is just going to keep happening to me. Nature doesn't stop living when I am happy or when I am sad. The world just keeps turning and people just keep peopling.

I can really start to listen to life. I can see it's story as it happens to me. I can figure it out day by day and decide what it is that I want that will make me happy or improve my sense of self-worth.

Sure life can really suck and as I know I can't control it and it doesn't care about my logic or rationality, I can just let it happen to me. Accept it.

I know I have the capacity to go anywhere and do whatever I want. I just need to live with consequences of whatever actions I choose. Are the consequences destructive or rewarding? Is the choice feasible? A quick rationalization hardly does any harm.

I'm so sucked in by my self-limiting beliefs and poor perspective that I don't realize that I am in control of my life, my thoughts, my feelings and my behavior. I have power over me - even though I rarely believe it.


We get hurt by people, circumstances and all the things that hurt us that are outside of our control. This leads to suffering...

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. ~ Yoda (George Lucas)

When we are in the dark side (which is neither good nor bad), it becomes hard to realize that people act differently within their own parameters of limitations, insecurities, needs, finances, concerns, emotions, environments and circumstances. This is when we may experience unhealthy levels of fear, anger, hurt, sadness, pain and suffering.

We can spiral downward into a chaotic emotional mess if we allow it to happen. Sometimes we are not aware of these parameters because we are the hero's or lead actors/actresses in our own lives.

This can be confusing. Understanding the logic but implementing in action are two different things. In the heat of the moment it is easy to lose control and lash out as an emotional defense.

You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger. ~ Buddha

I learned that I need to heal my perception of the people who have hurt me. I need to heal the person within me. "I love you. I forgive you. I thank you. I am sorry."

We all have our own stories to tell. We desire healing at an emotional level. We can start by being compassionate and caring. Give to others rather than hoping to get something back.

In the moment

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. ~ Buddha

The past is something that cannot be changed, the future is influenced by the choices and actions that you make in the present moment.

To balance who we are we need to fulfil some needs which are independent of time and space (place / circumstances / environment)

  • Acceptance
  • Contentment
  • Excitement
  • Happiness
  • Health
  • Love
  • Peace
  • Stability
  • Success
  • Wealth

As we require mental nourishment, we can find it through Mindfulness practices by being present in the moment and allowing thoughts to come and go with acceptance and without judgement.


What we think, we become. ~ Buddha

Your mindset is powerful. You have the power to decide how you will feel in a situation. You should be aware of the circumstances and decide how to act.

  • What are the dangers of the situation?
  • What are the consequences of my actions?
  • Will it make me depressed or not depressed?


If we choose to be depressed about something we tend to blame. We become a victim. Other people are accused and held responsible for our thoughts and feelings. They did this to me. They could have handled the situation better.

Not depressed

If we choose not to let the situation get us down we can own the situation. We become the creator. This makes us a facilitator of our own destiny. We realize that we are not responsible for anyone's thoughts and feelings other than our own.

My final thoughts

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You. ~ Dr. Seuss

It is important to discover who you are. You need mental nourishment and to look after yourself.

Be aware of your situations and how you wish to react. Set personal boundaries for people around you. You can choose to give in spite of the situation but be aware of the circumstances. Transcend the situation.

Be mindful and live in the moment instead of dwelling on the past or future.

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